Well, hello there, Saxton Hell! Hi, it's me, Grandma Flexington! In honor of the 
Patriot Day weekend, High-Five asked me to tell you all a story about the best 
Patriot Day ever and I was just delighted! I said to High-Five "Of course I would 
do it! You always hear about the good people of 2fort swapping stories and items 
amid other mercenaries! It's my turn to give it a go." And now that I'm here I can 
start my own little thing. 

I mean, goodness, look at you! So many mercenaries and people from other planets 
and so many of you are such nice, attractive people!

But look at me! Here I am talking your ear off! You don't come to this page to 
listen to an old lady drone on and on. You wanted to know about the best Patriot 
Day ever! So here goes...wait, did we mention the place this is being hosted yet? 
High-Five? No? Oh dear, let me start with that then...

Isn't this website amazing? I just love it and seeing all those little gifs. Let me 
ask you something, do you pronounce it with a soft g or a hard g? I know that the 
guy who made them said they were a soft g, but I mean, language evolves, doesn't it? 
That's just sort of the nature of people. You can't keep everything together bound 
in one neat order, you have to watch things change and adapt to it, otherwise you'll 
just end up being that person who stands in the corner shouting at people and 
correcting their grammar and who really likes that type of person?

What's that, High-Five? Yes, I am telling them the story! Just because I start it a 
different way doesn't mean I'm not telling it! What!? What do you mean the computer 
types what I'm saying? That doesn't sound like me. Oh, okay I see it now. My 
goodness, how long have I been doing that!? I'm going to have to go back and reread 
my entire play to see if I had any typos there as well...

The best Patriot Day started off with the World's Largest Bullet, some rocky road 
ice cream and Mr. Shank's widow planning a viking funeral...

Oh? What's that? I'm supposed to be advertising something here? No, wait, give me 
the tiny card. Don't you treat High-Five like that or I'll stop talking. 
That's what I thought.

Anyway, the nice people of Saxton Hell wanted me to say that they're offering 
explosive weapons in honor of Patriot's Day.. oh isn't that just nice honey? I 
remember when we invited people over to see your test weapons, they too enjoyed 
having the best times of their life blowing up fences underneath a can.

 Explosive Item Raffle:
- A strange Direct Hit
- A strange Liberty Launcher
- A strange Beggars Bazooka
- A strange Stickybomb Launcher
- A strange Grenade Launcher

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE, BUT IT'S OPEN TO ALL! What? What about pictures? This is 
radio, they can't see pictures anyway! Oh.. it's a website.. um... my bad.
...Did I do that right dearie? Oh good. Um.. where was I in my story?